I have to make a statement to myself that may be useful to others today. But first, an introduction.
Recently, I was reflecting again about how negative thoughts and attitudes are mostly options. We may feel down, or angry, and want to feel differently without an immediate success, but especially when it comes to the words we use to express how we feel, we only have one pair of vocal chords and one mouth. Our sentences may have different levels and, like in Quevedo's Conceptism or in Lorca's poems, one word can have different meanings and all of them are valid, but we can say just one word at a time. Our choices of words and our actions usually feed back on our feelings. At that point, the increased intensity of our feelings is an option.
I can put love and dislike in the same sentence, but one will sound first.
The reflection above was brought to me by a series of events I was involved in and by several verbal attacks towards me. I was feeling hurt, angry, sad, betrayed, fearful, though probably not to the degree it may suggest when seeing the whole bunch as I have listed it. It was relatively subtle—but it was growing.
With the verbal attacks, I thought I had to defend myself. But how? Being nasty towards individuals whose mere intention seems to be triggering you means they have won the battle. Remaining quiet means they are winning too, because one cannot combat those feelings. I have found some strategies now, but a) that is not the intention of this post, and b) since I don't know who is going to read this, I don't want to show my cards beforehand.
Other people were forcing me into attitudes, feelings and thoughts I didn't want to have. I don't see an evil will behind it, but I was growing uncomfortable.
Oh, yes, crisis growing on several fronts. Again: it is not the purpose of this post to dwell in those feelings, so I jump to what really matters to me.
My path.
I know what my path is. Sometimes, I get off trail, but then, when I return to my place, it feels like a safe haven, like home. My path includes e.g. making other people smile, caring for others, taking care of my inner child, being creative, and nurturing optimism. That is why I share Blůket's adventures with the world (www.patreon.com/Bluket) or why some of my songs aim to amuse the audience. That is why I go smile hunting. That is why I avoid people who are proud pessimists.
Allow me to digress a bit more. When there is a gale at night, one can do many things. One can dance in the rain. One can go to the local inn to complain about the weather or the politicians or whatever, or to tell jokes. One can go home and sleep, or cook, or make love. Some may go to the lighthouse with the hope of saving the lives of sailors. Others may light fires to confuse those sailors, bring the ships against the cliffs and then rake their trophies washed ashore on the beach by the tides. You may also have mermaids singing to devour the sailors, and priests locking themselves with their sheep in temples to pray. What appeals you most?
Today, many people got awful news. You probably know by now: a speech of hate, disunity, rudeness, disrespect, fear, mysoginy, homophobia, anger, xenophobia, bigotry, intolerance and a long etcetera of negative concepts was elected in the country with the biggest military arsenal in the world. I will change my photo in social media to put a black ribbon as a sign of solidarity, and also because this morning I was feeling hopeless and, again, angry, sad, fearful etc.
But that's not who I am.
Suddenly, I saw people who were far more affected by the news than I was. It was time to pull out my chocolate with orange oil, to make them know I shared their feelings, but also that I love them, they are not alone, I care for how they feel, and their emotional well-being matters. That is part of my path.
The news have divided many between the side of retaliation-in-power and the disheartened vulnerables. We have to decide our position and our path forward. One side wants me to feel fear, anger, powerless, and hopeless (among other beauties), but I see this just as another opportunity to be kinder to people around me, to promote unity, to generate smiles, to inspire. Whether there is a future or not and whatever reasons for optimism may lay ahead of us, it's time to love each other as if there were no tomorrow, and I invite you to join me in this effort.
They may have won the elections, but they won't win my heart. Of course, I am an imperfect human and I may get off my route here and there, intentionally or unwillingly, but my path is one of joy for me and any good-willed person I interact with. In other words: they have won one battle, but the second victory (the most important for me) is for me to decide. Conscious brief digression: today, another narcissistic sociopath was elected to empower the other narcissists I deal with on an almost weekly basis—but just another one.
*I* have the power.
And I know my path.
Whomever you prefer or voted for, stay blessed.
